The Incomplete Lady-Part II

By: Tania Bhattacharyya

She would often indulge in binge-eating, preferring food items that provided instant gratification..............she could not decide what to eat and ended up eating the wrong things in the wrong ways........this threw her nerves and health out of gear. She felt ugly and clumsy and bullied others who were not like her by asking ``Don’t you eat anything?’’ She was trapped in her self-damaging addictive actions. She said that she loved to eat. But no, she did not love food, she abused food, she abused her body with food and she was anaemic.

When she went to office as boss, she often felt disturbed and intentionally disturbed, harassed and overburdened the employees for no reason. She complicated situations, aggravated matters and confused everybody. She would hack their e-mail id’s in her off-time, try to make them come to work on holidays and pretend that she had forgotten it was a holiday, recruit spies to follow them and inform her about their doings and whereabouts........She boasted herself to be a late night Party Queen having lot of so-called energy...........She could not sleep at night, she would walk ..................sleeping pills were her last resort if she desperately wanted to sleep..............

Solitude was unbearable to her..................she did not get any peace in solitude as her conscience always pricked her more when there was solitude, reminding her of her wrong-doings and shortcomings.

Often she felt like a very empty vessel and sounded too much.....................and the glasses of alcohol in which she delighted to drown herself ..............her drunken self................only exhibited her emptiness and weakness.

Sometimes she did not want to go home , especially after quarrels or scuffles in her family...............on those days, she would unnecessarily detain her employees till the late hours of the night and boast that she was ``highly professional’’, had ``a lot of  energy’’ and was doing `` a lot of hard work’’.

She was like a reckless speedboat journeying towards hell and wanted to drag others with her as well...................

Often, she could not think, could not decide, only she wanted everything to happen ``Now’’, everything to happen ``Fast! Fast! ’’

Her medical bills escalated................

She survived on a cocktail of medicines, many of them of the ``quick-fix’’ type. As a self-consolation she went on saying, `` I am fine. It is nothing.’’ Disregarding her health issues was her style to show that she was very strong-minded and was fiercely devoted to her work and would work no matter what. But deep down, she felt very helpless and silly about herself.

Yes. She was talented, but a horrible person to get along with. She was good from a distance. But those associated closely with her felt horrible. She always created some trouble. She could not feel good if there was no trouble. Some people who were destined with the ill fate of being stuck to her, having no other place to go had to put up with her, however disgusted they felt. Some were gluttonous like her and chatted on the top of the voice in the office about family problems, their obsession about food, stomach infections, stomach upset, loose motion, figure related comparisons and issues, gallstone operations, etc. She preferred them. She was sick.  The office environment was sick, abuzz with sick and boring discussions.

She coughed clumsily without putting her hand or elbow on her mouth.............too much of coughing due to over-consumption of ice cream and chilled drinks had led to aggravation of the pain of her anal fissure...............but still she would not stop.............she was too block-headed to think of better alternatives...............there was so much discomfort inside her........................................