A letter to Dearest Parents

Dear parents,

I know you want me to be a doctor. You want me to be safe and successful. But you failed to guard me against something. Not in a way you think you did, since you overprotected me. But you failed to guard my soul and my mind.

My body is intact, no scratches, no marks. But my soul came in your way. It talked to you about freedom and privacy. But you tossed it aside. It fell down the cliff. It did survive. But it was too bruised to rebel. Because after all, it was just a single life. Let it end. Why fight wars for it? Choose the easier path.

So you protected me as your daughter. But me as an individual, as a soul, did not matter. Because her blood wasn’t red enough. And because she didn’t resemble your daughter. She didn’t have the sparkling jeweled like eyes. Nor her bright smile that could change the world. What was standing in front was a corpse, a living one.

You tried to sympathise with it. But it didn’t deserve your pity. So you ignored it and passed by it to your daughter. Who was standing there so you did not look back. But your daughter did. Yet she saw no one. Only a spot, a little denser, with trace of something standing there with flowers growing. She took too long so you came to check. But you saw worms eating away some filth. In front of your eyes, your daughter buried her hand in it to eat her flowers. But you made her spit it out. You reminded her the worms. She looked up to you and back to the spot, at the damp area. What she saw was a corpse eating worms this time. So she was robbed of her soul. From that day the jeweled eyes daughter lost her shine and she started living as the one rotting corpse, like the soul

I know you want me to be a doctor. You want me to be something. But you made a mistake. You took your eyes away from me for two seconds. Now I am already something. I bleed ink on my paper and now I have become a poet. And I became a dreamer. Now I have found comfort in dreams. How am I supposed to wake up?

I am sorry. So sorry I could empty my blood for you. I love you so much I can hollow my bones out. I can strip my heart of its vessels. How can you not believe me? After all, I emptied my soul from my eyes for you. I scattered all my jewels on the table. Do you not believe me?

It is not my fault, not even a dust of its fault is mine. The people who share the fault are only you and the corpse girl. Because she led me astray. Her voice misguided me and I followed like a drunk saint. And I believed her schemes and on her made up directions and bought the sky at the thief’s price.

It is also your fault because you should have kept me in a cage. For I am a wild animal. For I bite the very hands that feed me. It is all your fault. For you should have tied my leg and my hands and drained every drop of consciousness from me. Then I shall not have been misguided and live a life from the limited map you gave.

I know you wanted me to be a doctor. And you deemed me to be a dark horse. But I was not a horse. I was just black. Like the darkness in the corner of a room.Incompetent even as darkness for I couldn’t even scare a newborn for i am scared of this world and it’s people.And you believed in me like I was a warrior. But I was not. I was the soldier who sees the blood with their eyes and runs away. I was a disgusting coward. For I was afraid of blood. As a doctor and warrior, one saves life and one ends it. And I couldn’t enjoy the silver colored victory after I had killed many in war and then pretend to be a saint when the blood was still in my hands.

I am a coward. Still I fight wars. For I fight the daughter and the corpse soul everyday.

I know you wanted me a doctor. And in reality I will become one. For the fire of a poet must burn forever. But mine extinguishes. For you never taught me how to let it burn. So the daughter wins and the soul visits only at intervals.

But i was destined not to care

So perhaps i’ll just have to let her eat her worms and I’ll just root myself in my flowers

Yours.

A loving daughter