O this heart, perpetually Blue

-How an another nation’s boy will trade his heart for your eyes? (An entry)

12 june 2026

Dear Diary,

Why do most movies start from the middle of the story? Because the start of the story is always ordinary and ordinary is everywhere. Perhaps that’s why no one wants ordinary and hence I am starting from the middle, Skipping through the day to 3:00 pm. I didn’t give the day a chance and habitually assumed it’s one of those ordinary ones. But the weather had a different plan as I said around 3 pm. It started pouring and it wasn’t long before it turned into thunder. Let me tell you delhi heat in June is no joke and rain and this rain is no short of a miracle. My father wasn’t home and mother and brother is in nani ke ghar. It was only me, my sister, and my paternal grandma in the home. Let me tell you I haven’t felt like this in a long time. It felt like travelling back in time, getting wet in rain, my surrounding smelling like wet mud. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue. The blue I had seen last time many years ago. From Blue what comes in my mind is my desire to be blue in someone’s life. Like one of Fairuz’s songs. ‘It’s either you and I together in the middle of strange stores.’ Never in my life my heart has desired a normal life. I wanted to be like those distant photos

hazy ones without the face in a dark Blue Dress and mess of a hair barefoot in black and white polaroid sitting in a loud in unknown road of in a foreign land with shoes in hand and camera in neck.I don’t wanna die old. I know if I do it’s gonna suck everything out of me from my toes to my heart . I wanna die when there’s still life in my eyes,when I am still young. I have always got things to hear about my eyes from people

A little upturned eyes almost like the ones of the elephant. Complimented by lashes that make them appear bigger than they are, not blue but perhaps like the deep ocean. When I look at my childhood photos the shine of my eyes in those photos seem so beautiful.i feel as if they don’t belong to me. Perhaps that’s why even if my whole body were to rot I wanna leave with my eyes intact. Always alive somewhere. That gave me an idea of my darling love. Travelling through the world I might leave my heart in the hands of another nation’s boy and leave in his heart my eyes. So that even in death they do remain alive—Always!