Unattainable Love

I wish

We could have more than this.

Maybe it’s always gonna be

Looking at each other

With gazes that shower love.

Smiling at the other

Like we’re each other’s world.

Craving for each other’s presence

Like our life depends on it.

Holding onto each other’s hands

Like we’ve never felt touch before.

Clasping our hands together, tightly

Like there’s no tomorrow.

Looking at our hands entangled together

Like as if they belong together.

But never more than this,

Not in this lifetime

Its enough

And yet not enough ,

Messy and yet perfect

In some weird, twisted way.

I know I’m leading towards

Another downhearted story,

Another melancholic ending,

Towards being in an inconsolable state,

And maybe I’d regret this,

But I know I’d regret it more

If I don’t live this story for now.

I know I’d be crestfallen at the end,

I can see it,

I can feel it,

But what can I do?

I tried to stop it

But it never worked.

I know we’ve come a long way,

But we can’t have more than this,

Maybe we’ll always be

More than friends

less than a couple.

Lovers who can’t adress each other

As lovers.

Two lost teenagers

Who are in love

But can’t have each other.

Life really can be cruel right?

We met in the wrong lifetime ,

I guess we’d forever lurk around

Somewhere in-between,

Always just beyond my fingertips

But yet so far way.

Our story will be called

‘Unattainable love’.

It’s undeniably heart-wrecking

To loiter in-between

Of friends and couples,

Because we both know

We want each other.

I wish we could have each other

But I know we can’t.

We can’t always have

What we want.

There’s nothing more painful than

Knowing we can’t have a happy ending.

I wish we belonged in a world

Where ,

I could be yours

And you could be mine.

I wish I could call you mine

And be called yours,

But in this lifetime

We belong in a world

That won’t let us.

Maybe we’ll always have to

Address each other as just friends,

But both of us know

We’re far from that.

For the very first time in my life

I don’t care if I get hurt,

The only thing I want

Is that you don’t get hurt in this,

I can’t do that,

It’d kill me to hurt you.

For the first time in my life,

I want someone I feel for

To stop feeling for me,

For I can’t hurt you anymore.

Will you ever forgive me?

Maybe you should hurt me,

Maybe it’ll make things easier for you,

Hurt me,

Curse me,

Call me names,

Consider me selfish,

Hate me,

But don’t get hurt yourself,

I won’t be able to

Watch you be in that state,

A state I know

A little too well.

But moreover,

I don’t wanna hurt you,

It hurts to see you this way.

It doesn’t matter if I get hurt.

You hide your pain so well.

You pretend like as if

You’re perfectly okay.

You pretend to be alright

Just so things don’t get wierd.

But I can feel it,

You’re trying,

You’re good at hiding it,

But not enough to hide it from me.

Because I feel the same pain.

It hurts to know

That I’m the reason behind your pain,

That I am the cause

Of the tears shedding from your eyes.

It hurts to hurt you.

But my hands are tied.

I wish I could take away

All the pain from you,

The pain which I’m inflicting on you.

I’m scared of pain, you know?

Well who isn’t?

I’m tired of getting hurt

But I don’t care this time

The only thing I care about

Is you,

I can’t let you get hurt

I’d gladly feel the pain

If it means you get to be okay

I’m ready to feel the agony

If it means I can save you

From feeling it.

-Suparna Bhowal