My Paranoid love
MY PARANOID LOVE
-I will never fall in love again until She is mine again
CHAPTER 1
I was still a kid, when I first saw you , well didn’t knew that you’d mean so much to me. But now I can see you smile and dance with him every time, God, how I wish that it was me who made you laugh and smile. You don’t even have a clue what you really mean to me and Im telling all my friends about you bet they are tired of hearing the same old thing again and again but I won’t shut up if its about you.
How I wish you would know about my little crush thing and take notice of me. But after that am sure you’re gonna start avoiding me….. I hope there is a multiverse where you’re mine and you proudly calling me your girl. If I have to tell what I actually like about you then there are tons of things I would like to say but to be specific I like your cool dude personality and your cute little height.
The more I see you the more I fall for you. Maybe you’ve cast a magic spell on me that makes me fall harder in love with you everyday. You’re so pretty you look just like a dream to me in that dress. There will be a day when everyone’s gonna know about this well you won’t believe them like most of the time but sadly this time it will be true.
WISH WE COULD GAZE at the night sky and talk about our future. I’ve been wishing on every star in the sky that you’ll be mine one day but then I realized that your better off without me. I won’t be sad coz your my happiness, my pain, my everything you can’t be replaced cause my heart belongs to you and only you.
CHAPTER 2
Every time my eyes yearns for you, if I don’t see you then I feel so void. Girl you really changed my life and the way your hair falls so perfectly ohh what a view. You never fail to take my breath away. The way you sketch with that soft hands so delicately. I wanna drown in your eyes and die and you smell so good and addicting. Even though we’re apart from each other I will never give up on you. I always find myself looking for way that I could see your face and have a small talk.
And maybe now I wished that you’d care for me even just a bit. But in future if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to love again then fall for me cause you’d still be my favourite person and always will be
CHAPTER 3
It all started during the winter, well I would say it’s a season of love. But for a girl like me it would be a cold icy season cause there is no one to warm my bed and a person to talk with. As I glance through the side walk I see lovers holding each other hands, helping each other to wear a muffler, sharing their coffee. And here I’m scrolling through my phone as I sit in the bench with coffee in my hand there is nothing that can warm except for the coffee in my hand, As I was stalking your Instagram profile I saw your recent post you enjoying your holidays with your family how I wish I was there with you……….It was going so well until the summer when all the rumors started to spread about me and you. You started avoiding me just as I thought you would well you aren’t wrong I was the one who caused all this well I should be the one who should be suffering right now but you’re suffering more than me , so it hurts to see you this way. It never went the way that I’ve planned but instead things started getting messier
So I started skipping classes and stopped being social because the one I loved started hating me. It was until then I found out that I was actually suffering from respiratory illness.
CHAPTER 4
It was until I received a message from her ‘hey why did you start skipping your classes hope to meet you soon and I want to have a talk with you cause I want to sort something out so let’s meet whenever you’re free, text me back if you got my read message take care’.
Didn’t realized that I was dying for her attention, the moment I read her message I felt like I was on top of the world. I replied to her as soon as I saw her texts ‘see you at 6 today at the café opposite to the street’. As soon I clicked the send button she read it and replied with ‘alright can’t wait to see you’. I felt something which I’ve never felt before when I read her texts, it felt like something was off and as I was trying to figure out what was actually wrong with me I found out that I’ve already given up on love as much I hate to admit it but at last it was true there was no hope left in me.
I look at the clock it was already 5 so it means I only have a hour to get ready. And now I was ready in my baggy t shirt and pants with converse I had chopped off my hair. I rushed out of my house called a cab. When I reached there I saw her still so pretty and lively. As soon as she saw me she came running to me with open hands so she could hug me as soon as she hugged me I felt how much desperate she actually was to meet me, her eyes filled with tears, as she was hugging me so tightly I felt like I was gonna suffocate. But nearly after hugging me for 10 seconds she pulled herself off me, then she said to me ‘lets get going, shall we?’. I just nod as an answer as soon as we were inside I said breaking the silence because it was way too awkward.
CHAPTER 5
‘hey im sorry for everything I did actually I used to like you a lot but as the saying goes things never go as you planned I felt that I tried to make things better for you but at last I ended up messing it so im sorry’ as soon as I said that I was ready to leave until she grabbed my wrist with her tiny hands and gave me the teary eye look and said ‘im sorry I never meant to make you feel this way I always had a crush on you but when I found out that you also liked me I was too shy to face you so I started avoiding you but you know till then the rumors were spreading like wild fire so you had to face all that insults, and on top of that I gave you a cold shoulder so im sorry for that’ as soon as I heard that I felt kinda relief then she continued again but this time with blushed face and she was avoiding my gaze ‘ I like you ivy im sorry for whatever I did in past but if u forgive me then can you be my girlfriend if you agree then I promise you that you’ll never have to go through all that alone ever again.’
I was stunned and then I said ‘well I appreciate your feelings towards me but I have already given up on love I have no hope left inside me so I bet you understand aki’ I could she the pain in her eyes then she said ‘ I know I’ve done so wrong but let’s fall in love I will teach you what love really feels like please don’t give up so easily on me Ivy’
CHAPTER 6
I felt a small spark enlightened inside me and I wiped her tears away as I said with one of the kindest smile I could give ‘no don’t blame yourself for that aki so as you said teach me how to fall in love again and I promise you that we will live and die together aki’ as soon I said that she couldn’t help but to kiss me so. I could taste her cherry chapstick. And she was smelling so addicting that I couldn’t get enough of it. It lasted for 20 seconds and then we both break the kiss with both of us panting.
After that we went different ways as it was late and that night I slept so peacefully. So after that day I started to continue my college as always I even changed my class. Now me and aki was in the same class we were desk partner she used to sit in the window side and whenever its sunny the view of the sun directly kissing her face she looks too good to be true.
Its been four months and I‘ve fallen so madly in love with her again and even harder than before,she has moved in with me. She became one of the most well known artist in our town and I supported her no matter what. Now everyone knows about our relationship. It was during the volleyball competition when we both were cheering and she whispered into my ear ‘Next time I want my girl to play’ as soon I heard this word come out of her mouth I became so determined. And it was around autumn when I had my match I gave my all, she said that I outshined everyone and she was so proud of me after the match she came running to me and said ‘you saw that ivy you won the best player’ and she said with the biggest smile ‘that’s my girl lets go and celebrate for your victory’ she was so happy and then we got into a taxi and went to the one of the most famous club in our town.
CHAPTER 7
It was my first Christmas that I spend with someone whom I truly loved. Well thinking about the past looks like it was just a chapter from book where the hero failes to save the main character, but now I got aki even through darkest storm I know I wont let go of her hand. I made a promise to myself the day when I first saw her that we will live and die together, create memories together. But this time it wasn’t just a promise to myself but it was our promise.
We were smoking cigarettes and gazing at the stars on the roof with lofi song playing in the background as we talked about our future. Her face being kissed by moonlight and her hair shining silver and her eyes filled with stars she looks just like a winter landscape and like a goddess and it makes me want to worship her forever . She said that she wanted a small family with her, me and mini version of us walking around and how I would protect them, and go on small family trips. I liked the fact that she has planned the whole future with me. I hope that the things won’t change for us cause I liked it this way I wish I could stop the time right now and stare at her and I also want to replay the words she said like replaying it in infinite loops.
CHAPTER 8
Everything was going all too well until it was our last year of college. My condition became worse than before and I started avoiding her cause i didn’t want her to know that I suffer from respiratory illness which means I only have a short lifespan. I was admitted in hospital since then I always missed her how I wish she would visit me with flowers in her hand and her stupid little talks. She used to called me but I never received, She texted me but I always left her on delivered. It killed me from inside everyday cause I couldn’t see her face. I spend my time reading our old conversation which was in blues, writing songs and poems about her, writing letters to her and keeping it inside the box so that she would read those words when I’m gone and cherish all our moments we spend together.
CHAPTER 9
My illnesses got really worse and she found out the reason why I was avoiding her she flew all the way from California to my hometown just to visit me. She really was frustrated when she found me and starting yelling at me and hitting me but I enjoyed it cause I know that soon after sometime I will leave this world and will never again feel her touch again. How will that day be when I leave this world I wonder. She motivated me alot and made me laugh till my stomach hurts it was one of the most happiest time of my life when we were together.
She blushes everytime I put the flower in her hair, We can’t help but talk about our future like what if we graduate together and how life would be if I wasn’t suffering from the disease.
She talked about how her days went by and I listened to it as her voice was like a music to my ears. I just couldn’t get enough of her voice, her touch and everything. I made silly promises to her like I would see her graduate and and sing for our kids and read stories to them. But we both knew that I wouldn’t make it.
CHAPTER 10
And unfortunately before she could graduate my time was up the only thing I remember before I gave in was her lips quivering, praying non-stop, tears rolling down her face at last I knew it the effort wasn’t enough so I hold her warm hands which reminded me of the summer and spring time and all the memories of us came flooding towards and with my last effort I said ‘The box is for you’. It was filled with our Polaroid, dried flowers, letters to her, her pictures etc. Then before she even realized my hands were cold. She cried so hard and she didn’t even have the guts to open the box.
But at last she opened the box and went through all the letters and she couldn’t hold back her tears.
After six months she graduated and she even got married and had two kids she used to talk about her and she used to visit her grave with her child and husband, talked to her for hours and bought her favorite flower bouquet.
CHAPTER 11
Then her child asked at lastly who is the person she used to visit and she told them ‘The love of life before I met your dad, She was like an angel send from above just for me and as I said she was an angel so her time was up and she went to heaven and last but not the least she left me beautiful letters just before she died.
Do you want me to read it out for you all the letters she left and she started reading all the letters which said
‘‘-To my dear Aki
I regret dying because I know that I would never be able to see your smile and to feel your touch ever again and if multiverse is real then I hope we would be sitting across the dining going through grocery lists
One day I hope we meet again cause wherever you go I will find you and let’s fall in love again one more time
– Ivy”
THE END
