Peaceful Surrender-How near?

She was still rosy and fair, seeming to be blooming afresh…….

Her scarred heart could still feel the waves of spontaneous joy………

Her eyes still had the lightbeams dancing making them twinkle even amidst the darkness…..

She was a genuine child with spontaneous, not forced creativity unlike the majority…..

A person with true feelings, not a machine and often misunderstood or improperly labelled by many…

And yes, understood also ………….

She had been made to feel bad but she had never made anyone feel bad or harmed anybody knowingly in this life at least and that is why out of a clear conscience she will still get joy,peace.and some very important blessings of life…..

But the nasty world with such nasty human beings and always trying to shield yourself from not losing sanity is a difficult game

While walking on a thin rope there are slips and yes a slip she did have but still it was sustainable……

But still she felt she had experienced a well-rounded life going much upstream against social evils and herd mentality…

But how she dreamt of closing her eyes in surrender, in a beautiful everlasting slumber

Far uplifted from the crooked paths of life , crooked people and uncertainty ….

She had fought much, achieved much, at least she was happy …………

But the exhaustion at times , the struggle, to make each day happy, extract happiness , the ongoing battle

Must come to a halt…..she felt at times…not a forceful halt, but like a comma or fullstop beautifully punctuated……..

No ,not a defeat to delight enemies who will rejoice of having killed a blossoming flower……..

Not that………..but in the spring if you want to close your eyes enjoying the fragrance and peace without having any headaches

Where the clear stream of thoughts and virtues flow without blockages and unnatural human obstacles and harsh realities…

Is a yearning indeed!

She enjoyed the everlasting warmth of the love of her mother that will always, always be there…..

Her dear father who had loved and worried about her, and loved her again………….

The genuine love of a few she had earned form her creative endeavours and teaching………….

The love of men who had nourished her , also thrown her and uplifted her……………..

Sometimes she felt like going, then again why will I go?

But the world and the maniacs was not a good place any more……..

Lots of uncertainty and shocks, madness and nastiness, unreasonable behaviour, outcomes ……are majority of us really qualified to call ourselves humans……

As humans we threaten the survival of others………….

It was not that she was afraid but disgusted by the time to time mess caused by indecision, rise of fraudulence, controlling losing your mind and then losing your mind when stretched beyond permissible limits and the necessity to change your path and start searching for a new foothold,…..

How she felt if these memories and challenges were completely wiped out and erased in her phase of joyful surrender…..

She already had a strong foothold……foundation in herself but the strength was being exhausted in wrong areas and required constant renewal………….

How about a deep slumber and complete renewal and comeback in an afterlife where the incomplete finishings will get the final touch?

She saw people making fun of others sadnesses and weakness, bereft of sympathy and empathy….looting others by making them lose their senses and envying others immensely……

Of course they cannot dictate how she will live or value herself…she had gone upstream a lot but……..

How about sealing lips in an eversealed kiss and closing the eyes with the eyelids vibrant with the eyeshadows of the colours of life and the cheeks, rosier than ever, and the lips bright and blooming with a peaceful smile…………

And the brain in joyful ecstasy and surrender without thinking what to do next but the next thoughts coming spontaneously like the clear flow of a divine stream!

Having one of her dear students and a little baby in her neighbourhood despising their mother but loving her immensely,, and forced to separate from her by their mothers be her daughters……

And a man whom she had met much later , of her same level and nature her husband……..meeting him much much before…..and giving him the care and environment which he did not get but she knew he would value……

How naturally happy they felt in the company of each other……

No, she had a lot of gratitude………..life had given her a lot of blessings in many ways…………many had envied her blessings and tried to harm her…..she had shielded herself a lot…but now no more of this…….

She was a child, and wanted to become that baby once gain rocking in her mother’s divine lap,

And spontaneously painting, dancing, singing, writing, teaching as per God regulating her hand and senses….without others raising eyebrows……….God may gift others with technicality but not spontaneity …they belittle only because they cannot………….

Her godliness and blessings being hidden from every evil eye……

Surrendering with the joy melting away all the trials and tribunals of life

wiping away the memories of nasty people and the bitterness caused by them,

Without them ever coming on to her and disturb her peace.

She knew there was karma…………..

There were two possibilities-

If she got pain of any kind, either she had earlier caused pain and was getting the result, or she was innocent and the other person was causing her the pain…..

To be on the safeside, she asked for pardon from God, at the same time thought that the other person if guilty will face the consequences…………

Nevertheless she was alive, the strength of God pushing her forward…….

How much forward she did not know………

With whomever she talked she did not feel that their existence was very secure…………..

How much forward even she did not know…………..

But yes with every day she knew she was nearing that dream day of peaceful surrender…..

She was near, nearer, nearing……………….when will be nearest?

Someone told her, you can go more forward than you expect………..

Well, only God knows……….

But how about like Sleeping Beauty…………

To remain asleep and then awakened after the evil spell by the kiss of a Prince?

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