IDOL OF FAITHLESS ME

“God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him”

*thud* I slammed the book reading this quote. Looked back to my mother. “Mom! Who is God? We see several gods in several temples. With different names, different appearance & with different ways to worship. Why can’t we see him? Which one of them is real?”

With a little giggle she replied “God is like ultimate light and our thoughts are mirror. His rays reflects by us as various appearances. The one you believe, is the one who is true. And if you ask why can’t we see him then dear we can find him in people, in animals and in everywhere. And coming to your first question who is god, then god is someone who sees your hidden feelings, your hidden truth. He can see the inner you when no one else can——“

FLASHBACK

*Worries darkened my face while I was returning to home. I had no idea how gonna I will tackle it. I stood at the door of my house held the knob, took a long breath and I whispered to myself “you can do it. you can fake a smile its easy for you.” I opened the door with a widest smile than usual. As I expected everyone blew up with my pretending. No one could notice how stress I was. ”such a good actress I’m” my phone started ringing, ”Hello!” It was a conference call of my friends. “Yeah…hahaha…yes…obviously…hahahhahahhahahhahah…” a friend interrupted “I think Salony is too happy today” I smiled silently (I wish you could know). I hung up the call & looked back. ”Hey! whatsapp!!” I stated with a smile. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked

“Come on! you can lie to everyone but not me. So say what’s wrong?”

“Every one got influenced by my acting but why don’t you?”

“Mmm.. maybe because you pretend in your face but I read your soul.”*

My heart flinched with this memory and then I came back to the current situation. “What else mom?“

She continued “When everything feels dark, you can find your light in god. God is the one who gives you every solutions. You find your comfort in him—-“

FLASHBACK

*My head dropped with thoughts, uncountable questions countable answers. “What if? What if not?”

A voice echoed behind “Again drowned in questions?” I smiled. It was my sister. “Thanks for being there. I am unable to decide what should I do righ–“

“Shhh!” she interrupted. “Close your eyes and think why you should and why you shouldn’t.”

“What I should? What I shouldn’t?”

“Everything that was written has been done by you. Everything you will do has already written. Then what for you are worried about?” she opened her arms “come here!”. My lips enlarged with a wide smile. I hugged her back. I could see nothing but the warmth. Being in her arms felt like apricity in Iceland. Not only I got my answers but also the comfort I never knew I wanted.*

The tapping sound by my mother bought my attention back to present. ”Does God ever hurt us mom?”

“Yes but only when its required to improve you—-“

FLASHBACK

*Tears falling down from my face when another slap hit on my bare thighs. “You can’t even solve these equations? what else you can do then?” she shouted. I sobbed with the trembling pen. And after nth time, the equation was finally solved by me.*

I laughed memorizing the memory and whispered “Those hits making me able to solve equations now”

“What you’re talking about?” -my mother asked with confusion

“Nope! Nothing!”– I giggled

“Okay. So now tell me do you find your God? in whom you can believe?”

“Yes!”– I chuckled

“Good to know. So which appearance of god do you believe? Krishna or Shiva?” – She teased

After a few seconds of smiling.

“My sister” – I replied.