I have always been the one not to talk, since my childhood I had never made friends and I didn’t even know how to. All I knew was to sit in my room and talk to myself. I never really had anyone even at my home to talk to. My family was weird, my parents always fought for some reason and I tried to stop them but I couldn’t. I grew up accepting I didn’t deserve love and I had no value. My life was pretty normal I thought and like that, I was transferred to a new school.
This school changed my life for better or worse I don’t know. I remember it was my first day of school, sitting on my seat looking at class trying to remember the class and I see a girl. Coming through a corridor with a smile and lots of friends.
I at that exact moment felt something, felt like I knew her, I believed I have seen her before but couldn’t remember where.
I have never seen a girl like her, she looked perfect like she was the main character, like she owned the space.
As the day passed things got worse at home but this time I didn’t interfere much as I was busy thinking about that girl. Her name is Bhavna. She was pretty and intelligent. I could not ignore her. I wanted to become her friend and mostly spent my time thinking about how to do that.
Coincidentally, she and I became a team for a project and it got me so nervous. She was the most intelligent girl in the class and I was nothing but an average student. I was afraid of what she will think of me.
On the day we were assigned the project she came to me and asked if I could come to her home for the project. I felt the happiest I have been in a long time. She gave me her address and when I went to her house I met the most wonderful mother. Her mother, she was so sweet and genuine. She treated Bhavna with such a gentleness I never saw. She treated me too sweetly too.
I was amazed to see the relationship between Bhavna and her mother. I never thought a daughter and mother could be this close and love each other. I understood the real family because of them.
Soon, my visit became a normal thing at her home, I spent most of the day with her at her home. We studied together and played together. She even started sharing her secrets with me. I loved being with her.
But I wanted to know if I am her friend and one day when we were just doing homework I asked her.
Bhavna, are we friends?
For some reason she laughed so hard, it made me confused.
I asked her what was funny and she told me.
Her– what do you think we are then Khushboo? Don’t u know how people become friends?
Oh, no I don’t, I never had any.
Her happy smile turned into something I would call sad because ber curve of her lips was down but I didn’t understand the reason. She further said.
Her- I am sorry Khushboo, I never actually asked about your friends or family I just spoke about mine, I am sorry.
I didn’t understand why was she sorry but I said that was okay and she smiled and said.
Bhavna – of course, we are friends Khushboo best friends, do you accept it?
I didn’t notice but I was smiling and said yes.
That’s how I made my first and last best friend.
As time passed by we entered into high school. We became so close by then, I knew almost everything about her and she taught me things about emotions too. She taught me how in any friendship you care for friends and listen to every worry your friend has. Of course, you expect the same.
Bhavna got more famous and she had boys all around her. Almost every handsome boy wanted to be her boyfriend and every other girl wanted to be her friend.
It’s not like Bhavna didn’t like it, but she just didn’t focus on them much, or that’s what I thought. I got to know she wanted to be friends with new kids. Those kids were famous too but like in a gang and my other classmates thought it was cool. The weird thing was Bhavna thought the same.
She wanted to be their friend so desperately that she ignored me sometimes for them.
I didn’t understand it at first but soon I did and it didn’t make me feel good. Now she started spending time with them too. I didn’t like it but I couldn’t stop her too as it was her life.
For better studies she joined tuition with those cool kids and then so did I because I was already dumb. And I didn’t want to leave my habit of spending time with Bhavna.
There we met our new teacher, he was a science teacher “Samar”. He was handsome and almost every girl in the tuition had a kind of crush on him. He was very good at teaching and I was drawn to him because of it. It was a mere crush but I started studying harder than before. I wanted him to notice me.
And eventually, he did notice me and, I soon became a good student in his eyes. I liked going to tuition more now not because of Bhavna but Samar. I simply loved his presence, didn’t matter if he talk to me or not. I was just happy watching him from afar. I thought I was the only one getting close to him like that, but Bhavna was closer to him. And it all happened on the day of little celebration in our tuition when I was absent.
I noticed something was changed between Bhavna and him. I never saw them interacting like that before. Usually, I was the only one to take all his attention but now it was all going towards Bhavna.
Soon Bhavna started coming to tuition before me and to my surprise, Samar did the same. I didn’t know how to feel or react. On the same day, I went to Bhavna’s home for homework. And I mustered my courage to ask her if there was something between them. Of course, I didn’t ask her directly like that it would make me suspicious after all, I wasn’t that dumb.
I asked what happened on celebration day, something unique or different. She told me about Samar’s singing performance. My eyes were wide open when she showed me the video, my heart started racing. His voice was so smooth and beautiful that I could swear it was my first time hearing such a beautiful voice.
Me – I didn’t know he can sing
Her- so did I (blushing)
Me – yeah, so you were early today, and so did he. Did you both talk?
Her – ah yes, a little bit.
Me- oh, how come you can talk to him so casually?
Her – I got his number and we started talking.
I couldn’t believe it. How could they? I thought I was just thinking too much. They can talk like normal people what’s so suspicious. And the next day I took his number too somehow. I tried talking to him by commenting on his dp which was related to a famous singer.
It was such a normal conversation and yet I was on cloud nine.
The next day, I went to bhavna’s home again because she called me. She asked me some questions which were normal for me back then and I didn’t think they had any meaning behind them. She asked
Her – hey, is it normal to love someone older than us? Like the age gap is normal right?
Me- exactly how much??
Her – like 4 or 5 years.
I said it was totally fine as I too had a crush on my teacher. I supported the statement by saying age is just a number. If you feel deeply for someone nothing matters. I didn’t know it will backfire on me.
The next day I wanted to go and see him as soon as possible, I was in a bad mood because of my parents. The first thing I saw when I went there was them holding hands under the desk. I didn’t show much as I was good at hiding my emotions and exactly what I think. That scene was constantly in my mind and it made me more upset, I couldn’t focus on my studies as well.
I didn’t know how to take that. The very same day she told me about their relationship. I cried while watching the messages on my phone. I didn’t know why I was crying. After all, I always knew he won’t choose someone like me. Bhavna was everyone’s choice, not me. She is pretty, smart, and mature but me? I was not pretty I was chubby with no fashion sense or brain. There was no chance for me. I knew all that deep down but still, it all did hurt me.
And as time passed by I saw them growing close and me getting far from both.
Bhavna started spending almost all of her time talking to him. She went to meet him too often.
All of our talks became all about him.
She stopped listening to me, she stopped asking me anything about me. It all became all about him and I hated it.
I couldn’t hate her or him because I loved them separately. I didn’t know what to do and I kept myself at a distance. The problems at home started getting messy.
When I thought I had a friend to talk I could find none. She spoke about herself and she never tried asking me if it was all okay at home or , was I okay. I know I have never been a sharing type but I always expressed if I was sad or happy in front of her by crying or anything and suddenly It all changed. It broke me I even stopped showing those little emotions to her.
I found myself all alone once again, it broke me. Nothing in my life ,no relation outside of my home broke me like this maybe because I never had friends or expectations. It was different this time, with her.
I was just unlucky I guess.